Poor Excuses: You see what you want. We all do.
Its the holiday season. So why not be a bit of a downer and write another semi-philosophical diatribe. I actually hope this is helpful, and I do enjoy thinking and writing about these things. So this one is about an approach I often take when working with others. Especially as a mediator or someone who gives guidance. The title is rather much more blunt then I'd normally take, but hey, its the Internet. ;-0
Its the same pattern, the same mechanics, that I often go through with others. The title though is only one particular example. They usually go like this:
Now, I'm not trying to be harsh, just efficient in words, accurate in understanding and direct in addressing the topic. This is true of the example, and what I might say for any given situation. Also, all three principles come out in different aspects of the conversation and response. But going into that takes away from my initial point.
This point is that conversations should not be derailed away from addressing what is being addressed. And the vagueness of the persons response to my initial comment could be interpreted different ways. A first one is to literally side-track the situation, like "lets not look at something everyone does". One is "why bother trying", like "well so what, we all do". Another is "I'm too weak", like "what do you want, don't we all". Perhaps the last would be "I'm only human", like "I know, I tried but wouldn't any of us".
Of each of those interpretations, guess which one would I hope a friend says? Truly, that last one is where I don't need to do much. Often good advice is just being a sounding board. And the last response shows a strong person who may be struggling a bit. Or just wanting a breather. Or one who needs to be "thinking out loud". The person is probably good going the way they're going, and need simple camaraderie or accolades. Share a beer or chai and swap war stories.
The first and second can be easily confused with the third. And its often attitude. Neither of the first two show any honor; and show one of the two worst sins: fear or laziness. I don't want to get into an explanation of that, but caution is not fear and being tired is not lazy (search my blog, sooner or later I'll say more on that topic). That attitude, perhaps, deserves the harshness of the response in my example. Though sometimes I'd like to be a superhero, I'm not. I prefer to be a protector of those who help themselves as much as possible.
So the third excuse is actually healthy to me as well. Its hard to acknowledge ones weaknesses; but its the only way we grow stronger. I hope you've read this far, because in sense of knowing ones weakness, support for them is even more important. Can one let a friend whither and die? Of course not. And its hard to figure out the difference between fixing something for someone and giving them the chance to pick themselves up (another good example of advice; search my blog for that topic, I don't have a post now, I hope too soon).
In the end, stand strong and I'll stand with you. Ask for help, and we'll work together. Just don't have an expectation that superman will come to the rescue.
Its the same pattern, the same mechanics, that I often go through with others. The title though is only one particular example. They usually go like this:
Me: I think you're seeing only what you want to see in the situation.
Friend: We all do.
Me: Its not an excuse to ignore what is in front of your face.
Now, I'm not trying to be harsh, just efficient in words, accurate in understanding and direct in addressing the topic. This is true of the example, and what I might say for any given situation. Also, all three principles come out in different aspects of the conversation and response. But going into that takes away from my initial point.
This point is that conversations should not be derailed away from addressing what is being addressed. And the vagueness of the persons response to my initial comment could be interpreted different ways. A first one is to literally side-track the situation, like "lets not look at something everyone does". One is "why bother trying", like "well so what, we all do". Another is "I'm too weak", like "what do you want, don't we all". Perhaps the last would be "I'm only human", like "I know, I tried but wouldn't any of us".
Of each of those interpretations, guess which one would I hope a friend says? Truly, that last one is where I don't need to do much. Often good advice is just being a sounding board. And the last response shows a strong person who may be struggling a bit. Or just wanting a breather. Or one who needs to be "thinking out loud". The person is probably good going the way they're going, and need simple camaraderie or accolades. Share a beer or chai and swap war stories.
The first and second can be easily confused with the third. And its often attitude. Neither of the first two show any honor; and show one of the two worst sins: fear or laziness. I don't want to get into an explanation of that, but caution is not fear and being tired is not lazy (search my blog, sooner or later I'll say more on that topic). That attitude, perhaps, deserves the harshness of the response in my example. Though sometimes I'd like to be a superhero, I'm not. I prefer to be a protector of those who help themselves as much as possible.
So the third excuse is actually healthy to me as well. Its hard to acknowledge ones weaknesses; but its the only way we grow stronger. I hope you've read this far, because in sense of knowing ones weakness, support for them is even more important. Can one let a friend whither and die? Of course not. And its hard to figure out the difference between fixing something for someone and giving them the chance to pick themselves up (another good example of advice; search my blog for that topic, I don't have a post now, I hope too soon).
In the end, stand strong and I'll stand with you. Ask for help, and we'll work together. Just don't have an expectation that superman will come to the rescue.
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